79. How Do You Make a Mental U-Turn?
Years ago I ran into a lady I knew from a group I was a part of. Let's call her Ella. What caught my immediate attention was an inner rage within Ella, which she presented by her hostile words, presence - even her forward movement in the confines of a grocery store, where we ran into each other, clearly showed her anger. Ella had tears of frustration streaming down her cheeks. She noticed me, accepted my soft, caring and concerned greeting and rushed to be near, away from the watching eyes and ears of other shoppers. Ella burst out sobbing during our embrace. She explained of being "so angry!!!" The anger was directed at the horrendous past Ella suffered in the hands of her incestuous father, her alcoholic mother and her older, abusive male siblings. Ella learned she was unworthy, simple and ugly and deserved the abuse.
Ella must have been in her fifties. Ella's hurt lived on as she had learned her experiences were not significant or important to talk about. She kept her experiences a secret. Her inner rage, bitterness and hostility were certainly present. Ella's sexual and domestic abuse occurred about 30-50 years ago. Because Ella had stuffed all the experiences down, they lived through her consciousness and were finally ready to emerge. Just imagine, Ella had buried her inner rage all that time! Ella thought she kept her past a secret. It showed in her expressions, conduct, behavior and actions. Do you live like Ella?
Mary was a lady in her late 80's. She came for counselling. Her past sexual abuse occurred about 75 years ago. Mary had carried her hurts for all those years. Mary sorrowfully exclaimed toward the end of the set of sessions of her self-realization of having precious years being wasted as she held onto her past instead of living in the present. Do you continue to carry your hurts?
Taking a mental U-turn costs you. It costs your time, dedication to change, requires a firm desire to do so and the ability to place significant time and importance to find inner healing. Not just partially, wholly. Pastor Rick Warren wrote in January 2019 "change requires new thinking, In order to change, we must learn the truth and start making good choices, but we also must change the way we think." Both Ella and Mary were encased in inner rage, shame and guilt. They had battled in their minds. Their behavior showed, not known to them, by their inner rage and bitterness which was very present. You are not what you think you are. What you think, you are.
Is it time for a mental U-turn for you? The battle to deal with your past starts in your mind. Your choice is how you deal with it.
Those are direct words. I lived through it and survived. So can you. Please connect through the Facebook when you are ready for counselling or need to talk. If you liked this post, mark "like" on the comments and please please share with someone who needs to read this. Blessings and thank you!