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39. When is it Difficult to be Kind and Courteous?


You and I have been there. Someone cuts you off while driving and then slows down in front of you to turn left and makes you wait. Somebody rushes in front of you in a line up and then the service closes before you get there. That person (!) buys the last item you wanted. You don't get picked for something you dreamed about. You are ignored or replaced by someone or something. Brings you and I both to momentary insanity at times. Especially when you are stressed, rushed, hungry or tired.

The most difficult part of being kind and courteous is with your own family or loved ones. Their familiarity allows you to share your feelings and frustration in an open manner knowing they know you well. What is your influence like in your family? Do they love and trust you? The first and the best place to practice respect is at home. That's where values that are built that lasts. It is difficult to practice respectful mannerism at home where you are known. Yet, that is the environment where respect makes or breaks relationships. In fact, many marriages and relationships are ruined by one dig after another. It's difficult to be kind and courteous when you are stressed, rushed, hungry or tired!

Let's discuss a biblical way to deal with others. Luke 6:31 states "and just as you want men to do to you, you also to do them likewise." Luke's verse 36 clarifies "therefore, be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." Can I challenge you and I to begin to build values that last by focusing on our own responsibility? Luke 6:38 warns "... For with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you." Ouch! Hurting people hurt people.

Years ago as an intern I was booked to see a woman. She arrived 15 minutes late and was irate over the reality that I now had shortened time with her. She had filled the forms and provided information of her needs. She, in a cold and rude manner, refused to answer questions pertaining to her person, location, issues at hand or any other questions that were applicable in the private counselling environment. In her frustration, she released a slew of demeaning and discrediting language to personalize and minimize the years of training and education on my part. That was not from God. In my inexperience and uncertainty I let her proceed with her put-downs and minimizing language until the end of that tortuous hour. It was hard not to react. I was silent. Yes, I felt condemned, personalized many comments from her and truly needed prayers and validation from the pastoral team after this experience. - Ethically and legally I was and am unable to provide an explanation of any kind. The staff simply noticed my hurt and prayed for me. Hurting people hurt people was the reality I then re-learned in a personal and professional manner. Romans 8:1 provided a personal release for my self doubts; "there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit."

Accountability was truly needed with the explanation of the last paragraph. 'For with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you.' When I was released from the hurts then I was able to see the hostility expressed by her in the last paragraph. My personal learning was about being compassionate while using boundaries and refusing to react or go down to her level of bitterness. When you look back you likely can relate to an event or an issue in your life. How often have you been there?

Satan wants to drive you to condemnation. Satan is the accuser of brethren. God draws you to compassion and conviction. Philippians 4:6-7 confirms "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Regarding the issue discussed, what this meant was for me to pray and release the heaviness and condemnation of false guilt.

Maintaining your level of resilience during emotional encounters is the key to stability in your life. Avoid going down to their level of anger or frustration. You can do it through the power and strength of the Lord! Please connect through the website or Facebook if you need help and support. You can do it through His power, resilient one!