7. WHAT ABOUT YOUR PAST?
Are you a person who does not like to talk about your past when someone brings up theirs? "It’s over with!"you exclaim. Yet there are parts deep inside of you that are surprising to you; points of your reactive anger and rudeness stem up too easily when someone acts or looks like something that happened to you personally long time ago. Familiar?
Do you react with anger and rudeness, get surprised by your own reaction and make excuses for it? Do you cover it up, pretending your rude actions didn’t manifest? Is there fear or uncertainty? Do you feel you don’t understand or are you unwilling to discover it? What about nightmares, are they occasionally present, frightening and bothersome? Is it time to discover the reason you react the way you do?
Do you feel resentment for even reading this?
Think about it this way; imagine staring at a majestic and wonderful tree. It is tall, very present and its branches provide shelter for birds and other creatures. It is strong and can handle the wind and the rough seasons presented. It may be weak in some aspects when the roots were damaged. Often it’s invisible to the eye. Have you thought of the reason why? What is not present before you are the deep roots underground that provide the strength and the resilience of the tree. The years the tree grew and the roots deepened. The roots grew deeper when there were no obstructions present. Obstructions occur so often without our understanding or foreknowledge. It could of been something insignificant to us and yet deadly to the trees growth. Let’s look at it in a different way.
The tall tree is a description of you. Your childhood provided the roots which allowed you to handle the challenges presented today. What if obstructions were in the way?
What if neglect, abuse or alcoholism through parents or caregivers occurred in your past? Were you exposed to alcoholism or drug abuse as a child? In his YouTube video, Vince Felitti, from the Academy of Violence and Abuse listed the following signs that influence child’s neuro-development: (1) Childhood abuse; anger, aggression, (2) physical abuse, (3) emotional abuse, (4) sexual abuse or incest, (5) neglect, (6) physical or emotional neglect, (7) dysfunctional home (8) domestic violence and, (9) discord, separation or a divorce? Perhaps they were part of your history. That kind of abuse will profoundly affect your brain’s development. If there was (10) criminal behavior in your home and you were exposed to it at a young age, your brain’s growth would be affected.
Those early childhood experiences can change how you grow up to become an adult. Influences from early hurts can shape how your brain grows and matures. It’s those early memories for many of us that profoundly affect us. It shapes us to make certain choices or react in a certain way to our environment.
Please re-read the list and find out how many examples affected you. If you had four or more of these markers of childhood experiences your risk of developing social, cognitive or emotional impairments, adopting health-risk behaviors, developing diseases, disabilities or having social problems becomes multi-fold. Their risk of mortality; early death by 20 years is present.
Now I have your attention. You can go onward to the second part of talking about your past and how it affects your life today. Furthermore, awareness and willingness brings forth healing. It also bring forth recovery as you willingly take steps forward to heal your past.
Adverse Childhood Experiences, ACEs affect many of us. This subject will discussed in further blogs.
If you have questions or want to talk please email me to arrange a complimentary first time consultation.